Just a heads up that this blog may not follow a logical flow or hang together. I really want it to, but this desire for uniformity has prevented me from regularly posting. My challenge? I am an editor by trade. The most difficult challenge for an editor is creative writing. I MUST fix those sentence fragments and misplaced modifiers. But the more I try to align myself with a logical theme and progression for this blog, the more I simmer over other topics I need to get out.
Lately I feel I am getting closer to really writing, whatever the hell that means. Like I will boil over if I don’t get it out soon. I have expressed this to many friends and family over the years, but now my thoughts are invaded daily about this. This is a journey that needs to happen. To connect with one person about things I have been through. My loving friends and family know about what went wrong in my marriage. As many times as I have talked to them and they have shown undying support, I never feel truly understood. Unless you have experienced similar emotional abuse, you can’t fully comprehend how much damage it can do. I am not sure how this desired connection with kindred souls is going to make me feel more free, but something in me needs to go find it. Now.
While the idea that there are many styles of writing is a logical one, I keep trying to fit myself into a known box. And this box is what has held me back from getting this out for years. Lately, I have been drawn to poetry, and it struck me that perhaps that is the best way to tell my story. I have always liked poems, but I have felt intimidated by the trade, thinking I need to know everything about it: the rules, regs, styles, before I can create my own. OK, that is pretty much how I feel about anything new I want to try. And then, the quest for expertise before I even begin a new thing becomes so daunting that in many cases, I ultimately don’t try at all. I want to change that about myself.
I recently perused a book of poetry compiled by John Lithgow: The Poets’ Corner: The One-and-Only Poetry Book for the Whole Family. Each chapter is attributed to one of poetry’s greats and describes each one’s style, how the period they lived in affected their poetry style, and a bit about their lives. His final commentary in each chapter is a quick wrap-up of what each poet and poem means to him personally. Lithgow’s book showed me the incredible range of poetry styles and made me feel like you just can’t do poetry wrong. I knew this fact. I’d heard this. But for some reason, it penetrated more deeply this time. I could see the freedom I could gain by not having to back up all my statements up with proper grammar, punctuation, or research/evidence (bittersweet effects of loving nonfiction).
So, before I write too much more (which will make me want to edit it and then judge it, and then not post it anywhere), I bid you a temporary farewell. See you on the other side (gulp).